She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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