I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize