happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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