Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
