today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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