Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
