Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Drunk is not a location!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
