Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
