I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Congratulations! We have a period
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize