Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
