It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize