My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
