I think i peed on brittanys purse
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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