Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
