Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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