You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
