So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize