Already got asked if we're dating
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
