I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize