I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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