I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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