Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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