I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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