I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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