i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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