idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
dude. I can hear the air.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
