Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I miss vodka workout Fridays
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
