This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize