I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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