my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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