dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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