i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
