Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
