I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
