The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
