exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
