I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
