don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
