I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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