we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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