There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
