you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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