i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
