All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
