i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
