I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
