I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
