I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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