You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
