R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
