I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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