If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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