I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize