He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
