Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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