The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
