Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
