her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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