in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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