She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
