When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
