I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
