Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
