I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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