There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
