Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
