all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
