My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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