Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize