So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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