Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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