Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
