wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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