you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This house was built for laser tag.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
