Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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